His voice tho… So smooth…
And I’m hoping there is. It’s not easy… waiting. Even when we’re still together (because we’ll be entering a long distance relationship soon) I still have to be at the side and wait. Wait for him to finish with basketball or wait for something that we planned to do to be moved to another date because of a game. Wait for time with me because I know he’s studying for an exam. Wait to watch a movie with him or have to cancel on dinner because I know that he has an important meeting for his org. It’s not the easiest thing to do, but I manage. Been managing since I met him. And practically nothing’s changed, except it’s getting more demanding now. Not even me. I mean his other priorities. Since he’s almost graduating, which requires his utmost attention and responsibility drive on the other things. Again, I wait at the side.
I’m there to support him and push him especially when things get really hard for him and when he’s about to give up, even if I know I don’t get anything out of it. No time, no anything. The best payment I get out of it is knowing that he succeeds at what he’s doing and know that I didn’t bother him. Knowing that I pushed him to do his best and I wasn’t rude or needy. Again, it’s not the easiest thing in the world and sometimes I feel left out. But it’s okay. I always tell myself that this isn’t for me anyways, it’s for him and it will make him a better person and the relationship can wait… I can wait. I try my best everyday. I just pray really hard that someday, maybe I’ll have my time too. And someday, I’ll be a really important priority too where everything else gets to stay at the side that time. Someday I can be worth sacrificing other things for and someday it will be for the both us.
Until then, I just wish I get there. I wish that we can get there. The thought of things not working out after working so hard trying to be patient and keeping it together because I think and I feel like this is what’s best for us, to support and understand him, it would really be a huge blow to me but hey, if it helped him become a better person, then it would still be worth it. It just means that I deserve something else and I know that I wouldn’t regret anything cause I know I gave my everything. But I hope we do get there.
What’s scary is that I have the strongest feeling that it’s not just going to be until he graduates. I know there are still so many things he wants to do. Work and explore. And I know that if he wants that to work out for him, then he needs to put that as a priority. Again, I have to wait patiently at the side. I really hope and pray I can keep up and just be there to support him and just put me aside for a while.
Someday, I won’t be at the sides anymore. :)