Her Extrovert Rainbow Days♥

peachbananas:

I miss my boyfriend… I miss my companion… I miss the person who’s always been there, sticking up for me and never once, doubted me. I miss my confidante. I miss my teacher and my listener. I miss my source of sunshine and rainbows. I miss you…

It’s been days now and we haven’t really been talking. Although, I have to admit that this being far away from each other thing is finally healthy, well at least for me. I don’t know if things are going positive for you, cause again, we haven’t been talking. I’m not afraid, I’m not scared, cause even through these days that there hasn’t been the slightest sign of you, never, not even once was there a day… an hour, a minute, a second or millisecond that I’ve ever felt like I’ve lost the tiniest bit of love for you. Because in truth, I still love you more and more each day. You’re always on my mind… and not once have I thought about any other guy… except you. I admit, it’s been very difficult, not talking to you and all… but I’m also thankful for our time apart. It made me miss you more and realize that space really is important. As soon as I heard your voice a few days ago to talk about a really unavoidable important matter, I can’t express how happy my heart was as soon as you said “Hello?”… it melted and once more butterflies fluttered like crazy in my tummy. My mind went in a coma as Ecstasy drifted in me, realizing that this time, I could talk to you for an endless period because I have tons of stories to share with you again, what with our distance and no talking rule and all.

But even though this maiden has been thankful for the distance, thou cannot deny the fact of the feeling of loneliness. I have missed you… so much… and as much as I want to talk to you everyday, some things are now holding me back, I don’t know if it’s because I find solstice when I’m burying myself in my own thoughts everyday, or it’s because I’m comfortable being alone now, but then I’m still thinking of you, or it’s because I don’t know… I’m just waiting til’ you talk to me first or I’m saving up tons of stories to tell you… But whatever the case, there’s no doubt in me still feeling the same way, and undoubtedly… even more.

But then for today… I wish I was talking to you. Today, I wish I could hear your voice. Today, I wish somewhere in the far beyond, we were still together… talking, just talking, lying down and looking into each other’s eyes and know each other so well that we need not tell anything to each other anymore. Of course, that would be absurd, but then the complete me that I know… that I feel, whenever I drown inside those beautiful brown orbs is all I ever need to be… to feel, whenever you look back at me… Today, I wish I had you, I had love, I felt love, experience love in you… while we talk in desperate endlessness… Today I wish my trail of unknown and unending thoughts warned and stroked your ear, while you listened to whatever I have to say, either it would be me telling you I miss you… or just how stupidly stupid I am for you… Today I wish there was more of you, one for shopping, one for watching movies with me, one for every single day that I wish to be with you at different times, so I wish there was more of me too… Nothing can stop me from wanting more of you and nothing can stop me from loving you… that’s why if I can be this strong, then this bricked wall of force causes us to be superior… Super… Superhumans… Today, I wanted to hold your hand… feel the lines of your palms and close my eyes and breathe the air that you breathe and feel your flesh right against mine. Smile and praise God for creating you and giving you to me and always swim in the sea of smiles and awes and wonder of you. 

Today, I missed you… Today I missed you as my best friend… And today… how I longed to talk to you as my friend.

peachbananas:

In all honesty I really do. First off, I don’t know what I did wrong. I can’t even remember the last time I picked a fight with you or the last time I complained about anything at all. The last argument we had, you told me that you’re already tired of our relationship because of all the fights and one more argument might break things off already - I got scared. So for one month I’ve been keeping all the bad feelings I’ve been holding on about you and just keeping them to myself in fear of losing you. You have no idea just how afraid I am of losing you. You mean so much to me that I fought and battled hard with everything that went against us. We’ve only been apart for a small period of time, 3 days to be exact, but you don’t know just how much those 3 days felt like 3 years to me. I miss you so much, that’s a fact, but inspite of me missing you very much, my feelings for you are starting to dwindle because of some things I started to realize while being away from you… To make things simple and to keep my find from crossing too many intersections and getting lost on the railroad of my thoughts, I’ll make this into a list of things on why I feel this way:

1. I know I told you I feel bad already and I’m starting to slowly fall out of this, but to be honest, whenever I think about you, I’d always pucker up the courage to keep myself strong and say to myself “You’ve reached 1 year and that’s not easy - don’t give up now, you wouldn’t reach one year and work hard on it if you just want things to end in the first place”, and it always works… and I’d miss you instead of going on with my day not thinking about you. I love you and I want it to be you and I don’t want this to end. Everything’s just so confusing already because now that I think about it, I don’t get why you’d ask for time and feel tired of our relationship just because of distance and all the fights. To be honest, I have more reasons to ask for space but I never did, if you want to share our situation to others, I’m 101% sure they’d agree that you really did lack time with me… but no matter what I’m doing here I’d always make time for you and wait for you… Ikaw na nga ang masaya diyan, ako na nga yung parating nag-aantay para mabigyan mo ng lugar sa araw mo, ikaw pa ngayon ang may gana mag sabi na you’re unsure of us anymore WITHOUT EVEN DOING ANYTHING BEFORE TO TRY AND FIX THINGS WITH ME AND KNOW WHAT’S BEEN HAPPENING TO ME BY GIVING ME MORE TIME. I can justify why I’m not needy with a million reasons, but I don’t know why you’d always come up with one comeback to get me to apologize and just shut my mouth and feel sorry for myself. 

2. IF YOU’RE HAVING IT TOUGH BECAUSE OF THE DISTANCE, THEN CAN YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY YOU LASTED FOR A YEAR WITH THAT ANGELLI BITCH WHO CHEATED/TWO-TIMED YOU TWICE WHILE YOU WERE AWAY FOR ONE YEAR IN MANILA AND SHE WAS STAYING AT CEBU PLUS YOU HAD THE NERVE TO BREAK UP WITH HER AND ASK FOR HER BACK AGAIN??? And I’ve only been here for 2 months and I’ll be going back in 3 months time… LESS THAN ONE YEAR FOR YOUR SIMPLE MATH SKILLS, and you can’t even??? And you’re saying that you’re tired???… Are you fucking with my feelings or what??? Pardon my language but no communication with you for the past 3 days has got me thinking about soooo many things that’s getting me ANGRY. Things like THESE per se. 

3. Number three, this is what hurts me the most. This is why I feel so fucking betrayed and makes me think that you’re one ungrateful asshole - I’M IN DAVAO FOR YOU, I’M IN DAVAO FOR US TO BE LEGAL - MEANING: STAYING IN DAVAO HAS CAUSED ME TO GIVE UP MY FUCKING DREAM SCHOOL WHICH IS MY EDUCATION IN ATENEO DE MANILA AND IS THE CAUSE OF MY GRADUATION DELAY. I DON’T HAVE PROBLEMS WITH MY GRADES - LET ME MAKE THAT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU - BUT MY PARENTS PULLED ME OUT BECAUSE OF YOU BUT I DIDN’T COMPLAIN AND I CHOSE TO STAY HERE RATHER THAN GO BACK AND BREAK UP WITH YOU. I know I said I’m strong enough to lose you for a bit but I’m not strong enough to lose AdMU… but I just realized I really can’t afford to lose both AdMU and you… You’ve been such a big part of me already that it’s hard for me to let you go (even if it’s just for a while). I FOUGHT HARD AGAINST EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE THAT WAS AGAINST US JUST TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AND NOW YOU’RE FEELING LIKE YOU’RE “FALLING OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP”. After doing all of those things for you, all I wanted was enough time to talk to you… to still treat me the same as before and not just say “Oh, I’m not doing those things to you anymore cause I got you naman - you’re my girlfriend naman.”. ONE REASON WHY RELATIONSHIPS DON’T LAST LONG IS BECAUSE GUYS DON’T WORK HARD LATER ON IN THE RELATIONSHIP LIKE HOW THEY USED TO WHILE THEY WERE STILL TRYING TO GET THE GIRL. JUST BECAUSE YOU ALREADY HAVE ME DOESN’T MEAN I’M NOT LOOKING FOR THOSE SIMPLE SWEET THINGS YOU USUALLY DID BEFORE ANYMORE. But whatever, despite that, I still stayed with you and continued loving you more and more each day.

You make me cry each night with confused emotions of missing you, anger, sadness, betrayal and shitloads more. So fuck this, I hope you’re doing fine there at the school where I should still be if not for loving you, have fun and go enjoy all the classes that I should have been going to but instead I’m here waiting for you… hopeful that you’d feel the same way about me again…

peachbananas:

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